Sorry I've been so bad about posting. Loads of stuff bogging me down, but Saturday night's alright for blogging (and fighting...) so here I go again.

Starting with where I left you off, I went to Shibuya with Monica on Sunday. We ate lunch at McDonalds (my first time in forever) and my stomach started eating itself because it's not used to fast food any more. We went to Tower Records and browsed CDs for a few hours. (How social!) I thought that the condition of my ailing stomach would improve with a cone of Hagen-Daz and found that it didn't. I bought The Best of the Kinks, realized how much I dislike Monica's musical taste, and also found that she always walks behind due to her lack of periferal vision. Looking back every few steps to say something was a pain in the ass.

The week was pretty normal until Thursday came around. The night before, I had a dream involving my aunt who died in 1998. I tried to write a poem about it in English and got really emotional. On the bus ride home, I started crying when I went to finish the poem and then just started getting sad about a whole hell of a lot of things; the fact that I'm so far away from all of my friends, my home town, my favorite activities, 1/2 of my family, any semblance of nature, etc. Then I started realizing how pathetic it is that I'm not able to make any new friends on my own. All of my friends back home were friends of friends I had made through family relations during preschool. Considering I've never been in this situation, it is ridiculously hard. This kid in my English class has moved to seven different schools throughout his life. Needless to say, I was surprised to see that he was new considering how many friends he had. *sob*

I never thought I'd say this, but I miss State College or even Logan. I miss Americans. Public school kids are so cliquey/groupy and Tokyo is really easy to get tired of.

Anyhoo, here is the poem, which could be easily transformed into a terrible Emo song with an acoustic guitar and knowledge of five minor chords:

While I was too ignorant to comprehend
I thought I had lost you forever,
but now that death knocks once more
on the trunk of our family tree
You return to me tonight
A smiling angel in a dream.

She laughs as I cry on her shoulder,
"It was just a holiday."

If only...

The fun we could have had if you had held on
just a bit longer,
But it plucked you from our lives
like a four leaf clover
from an elementary school yard.
It took so long before I realized what I was missing.

After that long distance phone call,
I never thought of how life would have been
if you were here.
Stubbornly thinking that I couldn't change the past
and never giving the "what ifs" another thought.

Now is a time for missing:
Missing friends back home,
Dad and cats in that place that dragged me
from my comfortable life.
Grandparents in their sterile hospital rooms,
But most of all you, for all I can see
is a carved headstone which stands wehre you lay serene.

Non-existant friend, grab me a tissue.
Loneliness has finally caught up with me.

Weeeee! I was depressed and full of self-pity when that was written. Wow, my first decent agony post in a blog!

I actually wrote it, just because I thought it could be an alternative choice for a poem that I have to present in English class on Friday. The other one was inspired by the 9/11 third year commeration thing and the Iraq war and such. Speaking of which, I love my president. : P

Don't worry, everyone. I'm a whole hell of a lot less depressed now, not to mention less PMS-y. However, I think I will avoid presenting that poem to a class, just in case I break out in tears and look like a brainless Emo princess.

15. Emo- n. thinking being depressed makes you intelligent.. which it doesn't.
ex.: being emo doesn't make you smart.

I love urbandictionary.com.

Anyhoo, life is good, considering the circumstances. We've also been searching for an apartment for my grandparents as the stairs in this house would probably be impossible for my Grandma.

Right, time to actually publish this... :P